


all i want is nothing more

by thismagichour



Series: Bad Things Happen, but It'll Turn Out Okay [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Bad Things Happen Bingo, Fluff, Gen, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-21 01:36:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16567103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thismagichour/pseuds/thismagichour
Summary: Nott isn't a child, so she doesn't know why she wants to be held so badly, but she does anyway. Fortunately, Caduceus is there to get it, because god knows Caleb's too dense to figure it out himself.





	all i want is nothing more

**Author's Note:**

> Can you believe this is my first Bad Things Happen Bingo fic and like, nothing really bad happens at all? Oops? Anyway, I'll never stop writing about Nott and Caleb because they're best friends and it kills me.

Sometimes, when Caleb is really happy - something that doesn’t happen very often, she’ll admit, Caleb will pick her up and put her on his shoulders. Those are really good days. She counts the time in between, hoping that maybe today, she’ll do something that will excite him, so she can feel the warmth of his hands holding her. She knows it’s stupid, because she’s not a child, no matter how she looks or others treat her. And anyway, goblins don’t hold their children, so there’s no reason why she should want it so desperately. Just another thing that makes her a freak, she guesses.

It doesn’t stop her from thinking about it, though. At night, more often than not, she curls up against Caleb like a dog. He never touches her back, but in the months they’ve been traveling together, she finds that she has a hard time sleeping without him. She tries to take watch with him as often as possible, but that’s also just because she loves him the best. Caleb is going to be great someday, maybe even sooner than she thought, and she plans to be there the second it happens. She doesn’t quite know how she’ll know when it happens, but she isn’t going to risk it by missing a moment.

The others touch her too, sometimes, and that’s almost as good. Jester will grab her hands, and Caduceus will bend down to put a large hand on her shoulder. Beau will punch her in the arm sometimes, which isn’t as great. Molly had danced with her once, near the end, and she probably missed that more than anything else about him. He wasn’t afraid to be seen dancing with a goblin. He had been good like that. 

She wishes that she just had the words to ask. How exactly do you say _hey Caleb, would you mind holding me sometime_ without feeling like a complete fool? And while she knows that Caleb wouldn’t take it the wrong way, she worries sometimes that the others might think they’re too close. Molly had certainly thought that. He’s gone now, so it shouldn’t bother her, but it does. She just wants Caleb to be safe, and to be happy, and to hold her hand, but she’s hardly ever gotten anything she wants, so she does her best with what she has. That’s fine. She’ll be happy with what she has, because if she isn’t, she’ll fall apart. So she leans in when Caduceus pats her, and holds Jester’s hand too long, and she clutches Caleb real tight when she is blessed with one of his rare good moods. And she’s happy. Or at least, she tries to be.

 

“Mister Caleb, can I talk to you for a moment?” Caduceus says, in that way of his, and Caleb follows. He leaves Nott with Jester, who immediately begins chattering to her about her new paint. Caleb watches Nott for as long as he can until they are out of sight; a dull ache of happiness radiates in his chest as he sees Nott’s mouth begin to pull up into a crooked smile at something Jester says.

“Mister Caleb?” Caduceus says, noticing that his attention is elsewhere. Caleb jerks his head upwards to look at Caduceus’ face.

“I am sorry,” Caleb says, his mind still on Nott’s toothy grin, “what do you need?”

“It’s actually not what I need,” Caduceus says, “it’s what your girl needs.”

“My girl?” Caleb says.

“Your little friend,” Caduceus says, his lips curling into a one-sided smile.

“Oh! Nott, ja, sure,” Caleb says, “but she is not my girl in that way.”

“In what way?” Caduceus says.

“I forgot who I was talking to,” Caleb says, mostly under his breath, “sure, what does Nott need?”

“Just maybe some encouragement now and then, that’s all,” Caduceus says.

“Nott knows that I think very highly of her,” Caleb says, stiffly, “she is my best friend.”

“Oh sure, sure,” Caduceus agrees, “but knowing something and being shown something are two different things, wouldn’t you say?”

“I suppose,” Caleb says, and he ignores the roaring of flames in his ears, and he blinks, hard.

“A hug or two would go a long way, is what I’m saying,” Caduceus drawls, through the fog in Caleb’s brain.

“Did she say something like this to you?” Caleb says, once he’s back on solid ground.

“Nah,” Caduceus smiles wider, “but I know all the same.”

“I am sure you do,” Caleb says. He thinks about it for a long time.

 

Nott feels like she’s having one of those nightmares where you know you’ve done something wrong, but you can’t figure out what it is. Everyone’s being all nice to her all of a sudden, like, really nice, and not because she’s done something amazing or anything. But now, Jester is grabbing her hands all the time, and Caduceus is touching her every time he wants to get her attention, Beau punches her more, which is still not great, and even Fjord ruffles her hair sometimes, which is kind of condescending but nice. She doesn’t even know what to think about Caleb. He’s lost in thought a lot more, and he’s really emphatic when he speaks to her, even more than usual. 

“Oh my gods, Caleb, are you dying?” She says, sitting straight up in bed one night as soon as the thought strikes her.

“What?” Caleb says.

“You’re dying, aren’t you, that’s why everyone’s being so nice to me and why you seem all broody and sad all the time, well you’re normally broody and sad, but this is not normal, even for you! You’re dying!”

“Nott, I’m not dying. Not any quicker than usual, anyway,” Caleb says, bemused.

“Are you lying, because you KNOW I can’t tell when you’re lying, and it’s not fair,” Nott wails.

“Nott, Nott, Nott,” Caleb says quickly, “I am not dying.”

“Are you sure?” Nott says.

“I promise,” Caleb says, and then he gestures to her, “come here.” She only hesitates for a second before crawling into his lap. He places his hand on the back of her head and pulls her gently into him, so that her face is pressed into the delicate skin of his neck. They are pressed together completely, and Caleb keeps one hand threaded in her hair and the other wrapped around her waist, to hold her close. 

“Nott, are you alright?” Caleb murmurs into her hair. “You are trembling.” And she is, she realizes, she’s downright shaking, every muscle in her body completely electrified by the nearness of him.

“I’m-” Nott says, and she bursts into tears. Caleb shushes her gently, murmuring to her in Zemnian, petting her head softly as she sobs, absolutely mortified at herself. She can feel Caleb’s skin beneath her getting damp, washing away the gentle smell of sweat that had been there before. It’s a shame, she loves that smell. She can’t seem to stop herself, she’s so unbearably sad, and she doesn’t even know why, but it feels like a hole has been opened in her chest, and she’s still shaking. He never stops holding her, the whole time. Caleb begins to hum, gently, some lullaby, maybe, and she can feel the vibration in his chest, in his throat, against her. When she finally manages to get herself under control, she feels wrung out, like her chest is hollow and she’s been running for days. 

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what just happened,” Nott says, into his neck, being very careful not to prick him with her teeth.

“Don’t be sorry,” Caleb says, still clutching her to him, “sometimes what a person needs is a good cry, that’s what my mother used to tell me.”

“I’m not a person, I’m a goblin,” Nott says. Caleb shakes her, very gently.

“That is my best friend you are talking about, so you have to be nice to her,” he says, faux stern. Nott smiles against his skin, just a little.

“Do you mind if we stay like this, just for a minute more?” Nott asks, hopefully.

“We can for as long as you like,” Caleb says softly. He is still holding her when she falls asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me @calebwidogasts on tumblr where I am yelling about Critical Role 100% of the time.


End file.
